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My First Blog Post

Never be ashamed of being yourself!!!

Be yourself; Everyone else is already taken.

— Oscar Wilde.

There are a lot of people out there,who dictate how you should be living your life. They get bothered when you are being yourself. Just don’t pay attention to their rude words. People only get jealous when they can’t afford being you.Screw the opinions of others.Don’t get frustrated by the thoughts like What would people say If I live my life based on my own terms. Just lead in your life as you wish. So when you reach the end,you don’t have regrets of never taking a chance …

What is Happiness?

These days I ponder over this question a lot, what is happiness? Everyone wants to be happy all the time, literally every single second. No one wants to be sad or be in a miserable state for a prolonged period of time. This is even a life goal to some; be happy or do what makes you happy. But has anyone ever thought about “What does happiness mean?” or “How can one measure happiness?”.

People often confuse sensory pleasures with happiness like eating good food makes me happy, doing workout makes me happy, hanging out with loved ones makes me happy. But aren’t these all related to just external stimuli. When your happiness is dependent on outward circumstances, how can that be called happiness? Isn’t it called excitement that’s happening in your mind and body for a limited period of time. This excitement dies down after some moments. But isn’t happiness something beyond excitement!? Isn’t happiness something that has a lot to do with your inner state?

Some people assume happiness as life without problems. But is that even possible, Having a life without problems!!? Buddhism emphasizes a lot on Impermanence and Change. Which literally translates to Life is full of change just like weather. No weather no matter how good or terrible it is , isn’t going to last forever. Even if you have a life without problems and challenges, then where would be the scope for you to grow as a person? As everyone says failure and problems teach you a lot compared to success and comforts.

Then what is happiness? Even I don’t have an answer for this question. But one thing is for sure, a lot of us misinterpret pleasure and absence of problems as Happiness. But, Happiness is something sacred, something beyond the sensual pleasure and worldly excitements. Hope to find an answer to my question soon!! 🙂

Emotions…

Emotions play a vital role in our existence. They make us feel important, threatened, comfortable, loved, guilty and what not. If you don’t display any emotion, people will come to a conclusion that something is wrong with you. You might be labeled as psycho, cold hearted, rude, arrogant, not considerate enough and blah blah blah..

For example, when a person gets in control of their emotion “ANGER”, they lose it . They can go to any extent in that brief moment, from hurting themselves to even hurting other people. If not taken care of ,this anger can even lead to revenge .The same goes with other emotions jealousy, sadness, disgust. Right amount of guilt can be quite useful in knowing if you are doing something wrong and rectifying your mistakes. But guilt in excess can be dangerous. Emotion like sadness lets you connect with people who are going through pain and thus helps you in developing compassion and kindness.

Emotions are often like roller coaster ride. You might be excited for a while when you are experiencing a certain high in life, but when there is a sudden low, you can’t afford to be too sad. If you depend too much on them, they are certain to ruin your state of mind and even your day.

Emotions can be useful and even dangerous. It depends on how you regulate them and make the best use of it by not letting them take control over you. Make sure to be the BOSS of your emotions rather than a SLAVE.

Your life is solely yours

I remember growing up I used to watch all these movies where life of a man or woman is incomplete without a partner. It doesn’t just stop there. They even brainwash you by making you believe that your entire life is only about getting married ,having kids and taking care of an entire family for rest of your days on this planet .It’s not just movies ,I had watched all these relatives, friends and family talking “how one’s life is only about having a family of your own and taking care of them”.

And I even used to believe in the same concept until a few years back ,when I used to think, “Ahh! What’s the point of doing anything or accomplishing anything when at the end of the day you just have to live to take care of your spouse and children !?” But a few years back I started questioning this stereotype, like why is my life not mine? Why should I live my entire life only to be a good daughter, wife and a mother? Why should I be held responsible for someone’s mistakes (Society loves BAD PARENTING and also making you feel guilty .Don’t they?).If the only reason you were born was “to have a family of your own” , you’d have been born as an animal and not a human. But, we are humans!!So, there must be a good reason for us to be humans. Right?

There is nothing wrong in getting married and taking care of children. But living every single day just to look after someone and living as if it’s not your life !?that’s not something anyone should be doing. When you are the one who is given a life, shouldn’t you be living it unapologetically and somewhat selfish? At the end of the day it’s your life and you should decide what you should be doing with it. No other person apart from you has the right to stop you from pursuing your dreams, goals and what not. Your life should be solely based on your choice and not a result of some hypocrite opinions.

Gift yourself some “ME TIME” every single day so that you don’t regret not doing it in your 60s.

Need for validation

A few days back I was uploading a post on my social media, and it made me feel very anxious. I don’t know why. My mind was telling me all these stories like “How many likes would I get? How many people would comment on it? What if PEOPLE don’t like my picture? What if they find it awkward? Is my picture really that awkward?”. This rollercoaster of thoughts anticipating the outcome of how many people would like my picture , I was pretty disgusted by that. Like how can I let a single picture to control my mind? or Why am I letting my mind bother me about a single pic?

That’s when I realized this is the world that I live in, where we post about our daily life no matter how trivial that post can be(like a woke up like this selfie to breakfast feast picture) to let our followers know what we are up to. And now it doesn’t make any sense to me. What have we made out of ourselves? What is the need of this constant need of justification and validation .Why should people know what is happening in your daily life? Why should these comments and likes and followers decide our worth?

Why should people judge how happy we are just by looking at the posts and stories, while in reality most of us are struggling to make it through the day. Why can’t we be happy just by being in the present. Why can’t we just stop waiting for everyone’s approval. Is there really a need for validation from FOLLOWERS for us to BE HAPPY?

Silence..

A profound seven letter word “silence”. This word sounds very pleasant unless someone says it in a very high pitched tone (literally means SHOUTING) like teachers in Indian schools sometimes even professors in colleges. But in other cases it gives such a calm vibe.

I heard this somewhere that “silent” and “listen” both have same letters. Unless you are silent, you don’t know how to listen. Silent not in terms of keeping your mouth shut ,rather keeping your mind still and calm. These days we all have loud minds, we can barely sit in a place for about 5 minutes without being bored, annoyed or even frustrated. The word “silence” has garnered such a bad reputation in todays world. When our mind becomes silent and still, everything becomes so clear for us like living in each moment, listening to all those beautiful sounds, being grateful for everything in our lives, being content and happy. All these little miracles tend to happen only when we know how to be silent in our minds .

Its not that easy these days to have a silent mind where everyone is investing their time and effort only to have a LOUD mind like the social media, or even binge watching shows. But what would happen if we decide to stay away from these distractions even for a limited time every single day and try to silence our minds. Then I guess we would unlock a whole new world for ourselves where there is only compassion, gratitude, love, happiness and kindness.

What a beautiful place would that be to LIVE in SILENCE…

Why ???

I never understood why people try to blame others and constantly judge them. Most of the times the victims of this blame game are the ones who haven’t done anything wrong. Yet, people just blame them for someone’s failure, anger , stress and frustration. The list just goes on.

Just what right does a person hold to blame some innocent one? and try to hurt them by passing rude and mean comments hurting them inside out. Physical death can be evident to everyone. But when a person is dead mentally, it can be rarely identified. I still remember these words from a person I admired regarding why you need to be careful with words. It goes something like “the wealth you have acquired would be passed on to the future generations ,but the words you said and how that made the other person feel will forever be remembered in their hearts. “

Is it that easy to blame and judge others ? Just because you are frustrated with your own self, it doesn’t mean you can vent it out on some other person. This other person might be a stranger, sibling, parent, child, spouse whoever it might be. A human never has the right to blame someone who is not at fault. You never know how hurt they might have already been from a haunting past.

So, please please choose your words carefully. I end it here with my favorite saying, “If you have nothing nice to say, don’t say anything at all”…

Lost in thoughts

These days ,I’m trying my level best to limit my screen time. I cannot limit the exposure to my laptop as I’m a student. But, I can limit the screen time of my phone. Initially I used to be so hooked on to my phone. I barely switch it off or even turn off the internet access to my phone. But these days I’m trying to turn off the WIFI in my phone so the notifications don’t just keep on popping up . Sometimes I’m even trying to switch off the phone .

When I limited my screen time, I gifted myself some me time. As it is my baby steps into this new routine ,the duration of me time is just about 5 -10 minutes and I plan to increase the time in coming days. During this time, I stay away from my laptop, phone and all the digital distractions. I do NOTHING in this duration .Literally NOTHING. That’s when I was sort of going crazy with all the thoughts, emotions and fears in my mind.

I never knew that I would be so annoyed to do NOTHING. I cannot spend just 5 minutes with myself !? When this fear about uncertainty of future aroused in me,It made me question why are we so scared of an uncertain future. Why are we so lost in our own thoughts, emotions and let them control us and how we feel.

When you have a thought about someone you love, you feel good. But, when you have a thought about someone you dislike, you feel irritated and annoyed. Why do we get so worked up about a single thought? Maybe because we are so much identified with our thoughts. We feel like “WE are our THOUGHTS”. But in reality, we are not our thoughts. Simply put, Thoughts just happen to us.

Thoughts are not a REAL entity. Our thoughts are products of our minds. These thoughts are different to different people. They generally are an outcome of our memories , experiences, company that we entertain and several factors . So there is no reason to get all worked up just because of a thought. Thoughts rise and fall in our minds , just like waves in a sea. If you stop entertaining them , you would be unaffected by them

So ,next time anyone has a bad thought, Just take a deep breath and RELAX…and remind yourself Thoughts aren’t real.

Are we really here?

Wouldn’t it be a silly question to ask someone “Are you really here?”, but I don’t think it is that silly .In the millennial world of distractions ,digital media and immense amount of information which makes us literally feel overwhelmed, we are always stuck to the digital screens, it might be your laptop, or your mobile phone or even a smart tablet.

When was the last time you went out for a walk, or a dinner with your family without carrying mobile phones? I bet none of us ever did that .But why do we never leave our phones ?Maybe we have this “FOMO” regarding the updates of this world. But, are the updates about the world really that important that you cannot even stay away from your phone for two hours .

We never stop looking at our smart screens, even when we are with our loved ones. Being candid, we carry those damn phones even to someone’s funeral. Some people even take pictures at that funeral while someone’s family is mourning the loss of a loved one.

Why is it so important to stay updated with every minute thing about life of everyone around us. Do you think it is worthy of your time? Can’t you spend your days and nights peacefully without staring at the screens. Can’t you stop feeling anxiety every time a notification alert pops from your phone? Can’t we really be with our family, friends when we are with them rather than getting distracted by our phones and tablets?

These days, we are THERE, but we aren’t .We hear but don’t listen. We gossip but don’t do actual TALK. We are HERE but aren’t. Carried away by these waves of distraction, I hope there comes a time in everyone’s life where you know you are actually HERE…..in body and mind… 🙂

Is it what “it is “or what you “think it is”!?

How many of us can clearly see what is happening in front of our eyes? I believe a lot of us will be like I have a clear vision and I can see everything properly. But, think again .Are we really seeing things as they are?

Don’t we make up our own stories when we encounter a situation in our day-to-day lives. Just like filters in Instagram ,we all have filters to our minds, which might have been installed in our minds by various memories we have come across or different experiences we have been through. We judge situations, people, things, surroundings based on these filters. And these filters never allow us to see the actual thing that is happening in front of us. There is a famous saying which goes like “People only see what they want to see ,and they never see the actual truth”. If you like/love someone ,no matter what wrong they do, you only defend them. Because you have a filter for that particular person in your mind which only tries to see the good in that person ,no matter how rudely they behave. And the same goes for a person you dislike/hate, no matter how many kind things they do, you only nitpick about them because of the same filter in your mind.

Such is our life. we always fail to see people as they are without forcing our perceptions onto them . We rarely understand situations as they are. These filters in our minds lets us judge people, like/dislike them , hate them or even love them .

I wonder what sort of a world would we live in ,if we see things as they are without the need of these filters. Then you’ll see the real nature behind people’s emotions and feelings and behavior. Someone’s anger might be because of the self hatred .Someone abusive behavior might be because of a malicious upbringing. Then you’ll see why people are “the way they are”. That’s when we’d live in a beautiful world with absolute harmony .Where you don’t like someone or dislike someone. Where you treat everyone with equal eye.

Hope to see a world with minds that have no filters 🙂

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